Johnny’s Copyblogger Wrap-Up: Week of May 10, 2010

I got this phone call yesterday from Brian, because he’d just read the post on my blog about how I’m thinking of getting a couple of tattoos . Anyway, he insisted that I drive down to Texas immediately so I could use his guy for my new skin art. I had to listen because the man definitely knows his ink. Most people don’t know that Brian has an entire episode of Diff’rent Strokes storyboarded across his back. The dude is hardcore. When I got there, he funneled me enough tequila to send an entire Cinco de Mayo party to Federal prison. Then he took me to some place called Deep Ellum, where I got two tattoos, an infectious disease, and a black market kidney. All I can show you are the tattoos . SOLID. Anyway, here’s what happened this week on Copyblogger: Monday: Free SEO Copywriting Report I was just talking to a client about the topic of this post. How do you write for search engines in a way that sounds natural rather than super-annoying, what with all the SEO stuff you have to jam in there, like proper keyword utilization and backlinking and robots and cyborgs? And conversely, how do you rank well in search engines while writing in a way that sounds natural, unlike that romance novel written by my cyborg buddy Norm? You read this post and pick up your copy of Professor Clark’s free report, that’s how. Read the full post here . Tuesday: How Cornerstone Content Gets You Traffic and Subscribers Out of everything I’ve said on Twitter, I have a favorite tweet. It went, “They say true beauty is on the inside. The problem is that nobody can see it in there, so you’re still going to look ugly.” It kills me that I can’t repeat that, but in social media, you really can’t keep recycling the same exact stuff. The same problem exists for blog posts, which is where this post by Derek Halpern comes in. You write a great post, and then the next thing you write bumps it down the page. A few weeks later it’s gone, and you can’t pull it back up to the top or people say, “You tweeted that already, Truant, you hack.” To put that “best of” stuff to good use, Derek tells you how to use of your A+ material to keep drawing readers… while boosting your search engine rankings at the same time. Read the full post here . Wednesday: 6 Steps That Get Big Shots to Answer Your Email I’ve finally figured out why my emails to Jessica Biel are going unanswered. I figured it was my pushiness and abjectly creepy come-ons that had resulted in the silence and/or restraining orders, but it’s because I’ve been crafting my messages incorrectly. This post by Pace Smith explains how to get the attention of the big names you’re trying to get ahold of. Because honestly… they may LOVE what you have to say or the pitch you have in mind, if they could just cut through the email you’ve buried that gem of an idea in. Important note: This post also contains a cookie volcano. It was the only post with one that I came across this week, so feel free to thank me in the comments. Read the full post here . Thursday: 10 New Ideas for Getting Inspired to Write The guy who wrote Thursday’s post was once mentored by a goth who carried a Samurai sword on his belt and used it to trim his hedges. If that alone doesn’t frighten you into reading this post, then there’s no hope for you. The post itself (which contains no swords but does feature a dog wearing a funny hat) lists ten more of Jon Morrow’s gems for getting inspired to write. Because sometimes, the muse doesn’t want to come out, and you have to chase her with a Samurai sword until she relents. The tips in this post will whip any muse into shape pronto. P.S: I’m not kidding about the sword guy. Jon tells the story in Question the Rules . Read the full post here . Friday: The Solution for Marketing Overwhelm If there’s one person I’d trust to draw up a marketing blueprint, it’s Sonia Simone. You just know she’s able to walk that fine line where she’s giving easy-to-follow steps to creating your plan and staying unstuck in your biz without getting all, “You must do this no matter what” on you. But whatever you do, don’t let Sonia draw up blueprints for your house . How is a building supposed to stay upright using six boards and no bricks? And why are there chickens in the ventilation system? WHY, SONIA? WHY? But marketing blueprints? Yeah, she’s great at that. And the Remarkable Marketing Blueprint is about to open up again, so you should really get on the advance list so that you’ll be first to know when it does. Read the full post here . Friday part 2: (a.k.a. Next Friday , now with more Ice Cube): The Three Surprisingly Simple Keys to Success In Sonia’s second post of the day (damn, she’s fast), she points out the truism that to succeed in anything, you need any two of the following: Talent, luck, and persistence. So you can be talented and persistent. Or lucky and talented. You can even be relatively talentless as long as you’re persistent and lucky, which is the process through which most sitcoms are created. But you need two, and this post is filled with pointers on how to become more talented, more persistent, and even more lucky ( hint : set leprechaun traps.) I bet if you have all three of those attributes, you end up being like Spiderman. Bitten by a radioactive spider? Lucky . Willing to fight a never ending cavalcade of cartoonish supervillians? Persistent . Able to take photos good enough for J. Jonah Jameson? Talented . So there you have it . . . read this post and you’ll become Spiderman. Read the full post here . About the Author: Johnny B. Truant has a dumb blog at JohnnyBTruant.com and is one of the guys behind Question the Rules . You should also really check out his Jam Sessions with Charlie Gilkey, because they’re filled with tasty informational nuggets that make your business better.

a958114b35tattoo.jpg 96x150 Johnny’s Copyblogger Wrap Up: Week of May 10, 2010

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Johnny’s Copyblogger Wrap-Up: Week of May 10, 2010

Why Third Tribe is Shutting Down

Before I talk about our reasons for shutting down Inside the Third Tribe (our community of next-generation internet marketers), I want to stress that it had nothing to do with our members. In fact, they’ve been amazing. More than 2,000 smart, motivated entrepreneurs, hungry for knowledge and passionately applying the education we provide. And it’s not because I don’t believe in the community. In fact, I think it’s one of the most remarkable projects I’ve ever been involved with. Unfortunately, we’ve had some issues with the team that I no longer believe we can reconcile. There were hints all along, as there usually are. But at the recent South by Southwest Interactive conference in Austin, it became clear that we couldn’t continue as we had been. I think we were somewhere at the edge of town when the drugs began to take hold. Brian said something like, “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive . . .” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was heading for Austin going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down. And Brian’s baritone voice was bellowing: “Holy Jesus! What are these [expletive] animals?” “Bats, Brian,” I said. “Austin is known for its bats.” You have to understand, he’s been under a lot of stress He’d seemed lucid enough back when we were planning out how we’d approach the conference. Lucid, but showing some signs of strain. We had launched too many projects back to back, and frankly, South by Southwest tends to bring out Brian’s . . . eccentric side. His voice was fast on the phone when we were making plans, but he sounded reasonably in control of himself. “You’re going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over.” “Really? OK,” I said, grabbing a pad of paper to take notes. “And my first advice is that you should rent a very fast car with no top. This blows my week, because naturally I’ll have to go with you. And we’ll have to arm ourselves.” My voice faltered a little. “Sorry, did you say arm ourselves?” But you know, I’ve followed Brian down a lot of strange rabbit holes, and so far we’ve always done all right. So we got the convertible, and the guns, and the 55-gallon drum of creamed corn, and he pulled some kind of connection that let me secure a tank of medical-grade ether. I try not to ask too many questions when he gets like this. Which makes it my fault too, I realize. He couldn’t stop talking about retirement, about how much he wanted to walk away. “Social media is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs.” “Right, but there are good people too!” I kept saying. “You know there are.” But he wasn’t in any kind of space to hear me. As I’ve come to realize, there is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge. He took another hit and sank into a dark silence while I circled the Austin airport. We were there to pick up Chris Brogan Brogan . . . now there’s a piece of work. I don’t mind the first-class airfare or the Rolls Royce or paying for all the booze. Whatever. The man’s got his issues. But picking up the tab for those identical twin Thai massage girls is just . . . I don’t know, it gives me the creeps. Plus it’s hell on our profit margins. He was hysterical, as usual, as he careened out of baggage claim. His voice kept getting higher and higher, talking about not getting his due, not getting his respect, not feeling the love. “Don’t you understand? Don’t you get it? I’m still huge!” he shrieked. “Brogan,” Brian said, in the dangerous voice. That’s the first moment when I started to get nervous. Brian’s dangerous voice is . . . well, dangerous. “I’m everything I ever was!” Brogan screamed. “Who have we got now? Nobodies! Can’t you see it? I’m still big! It’s the media that got small.” Brian pulled out something that looked like a gun, and I nearly passed out. I don’t know if you realize this, but since 9/11, pulling out a gun in a U.S. airport is like wearing a giant sign saying, “Dear TSA dudes, please blow our heads off. Thanks tons, love, Copyblogger.” Brian squeezed off two tidy shots, but instead of a sound like gunfire, there was a sort of whuff . Brogan hit the floor like a sack of irradiated meat. “Damn it, Brian, what the hell was that?” I grabbed the gun and stashed it, then tried to lift Brogan’s head off the linoleum and check his vital signs. Actually, my words were a little stronger than that. You have to be firm when Brian gets this way. “Elephant tranquilizer,” Brian said. “Brutal stuff. Very bad. He’ll be having hallucinations of having his intestines gnawed by naked mole rats for about . . . ” Brian checked his watch, “the next 12 to 16 hours.” Don’t even ask me how we got him into the car. There wasn’t room in the back seat but somehow we managed to fold him into the trunk of the convertible and we headed for the hotel. Brian got snippy with me for insisting we crack the trunk for air, but the last thing in the world I need is a social media darling dying of asphyxiation in the trunk of my rented car. I do have a few boundaries. Then there’s Darren Rowse Darren, Mr. “Nice Guy” of the interwebs, was supposed to meet us in the hotel bar. We couldn’t manage to get Brogan out of the trunk, so we left him there, the trunk propped open by his elbow, twitching and sweating and muttering something about a close-up. I don’t know if you know Darren. He’s . . . well . . . he’s something of a character. He was slumped, as he usually is, giggling on the red plastic bar stool. He turned his manic grin to us and patted the machete that he always carries. “You call that a knife?” he said. He held up the machete proudly. “Now that’s a knife.” “Yeah, right, hi Darren,” I said. I was starting to get tired. One of them at a time I can usually take, but between Brian in an ether funk and Chris hallucinating on elephant tranquilizer, the last thing I needed was Darren’s incessant self comparisons to Crocodile Dundee. “That’s awesome, honey. Put it away before you make the bartender nervous, ok?” “Of course it took me a week to crawl this far,” he muttered, giggling. “I thought I was a goner. I said to meself, Darren old son, find yourself a nice comfortable spot and lay down and die.” “Rowse,” Brian nodded in greeting, his teeth clenched. Darren stroked the machete thoughtfully. “Up North in the Never-Never, where the land is harsh and bare, lives a mighty hunter named Darren Dundee.” Brian began to growl. “What the [expletive] is he [expletive] on about?” Darren snarled, the giggle dissolving. “Is he taking the [expletive] out of me? Because if he wants a fight, I’ll give him a [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] fight.” “Both of you, play nice, please,” I begged. “Just ten minutes of peace and then you can start in on each other.” I was desperate for a drink. But one of us had to keep a clear head, and as usual, it looked like it was me. “He’s [expletive] high again.” Darren’s eyes narrowed. “I wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they’ve always worked for me,” Brian said, with a majestic dignity that almost made me love him again. From there it just went downhill Anyway, I guess you remember the rest of it from the news accounts. They didn’t get it exactly right, but it was close enough. Brogan is doing better in rehab than any of us could have hoped, so I’m crossing my fingers. We don’t think the U.S. will try to extradite Darren for what happened to that biker, and let’s face it, the guy did pull a knife on us. Poor bastard. Brian’s wife won’t give me any details, and when I drove out to their place to try and figure it out, he took a shot at me. You know, it’s Brian. He’ll be ok. He always is. If I were going to write the truth about everything I know, about 600 people — including me — would be rotting in prison cells. So I’m going to have to leave it there. All I know is I can’t do this any more. I’m walking away while I still can. I booked a massage for later this morning, I’m going to go cash my settlement check , and then I’m going to take a walk on this beautiful first day of April and try and figure out what to do with the rest of my life. Until then, you all take care, ok? P.S. This post is 100% Brian’s fault. P.P.S. Thanks, Hunter . About the Author : Sonia Simone is currently the only one working at Copyblogger and the founder of Remarkable Communication . She also co-founded Inside the Third Tribe before it collapsed into a vortex of drugs, ego, and identical twin Thai massage girls.

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