Dr. Evil’s 7 Tips for Achieving Worldwide Marketing Domination

Usually we save all the sneaky tricks and techniques for the newsletter , but today I’m feeling rambunctious so I decided I’d uncork some of the good stuff. Don’t read today’s post unless you want to reach out and scoop more than your fair share of customers and sales. If you’re already making more money than you want, this one’s not for you. Are you evil enough to join us? OK. Here are 7 dastardly, fiendish, and just plain frickin’ evil tactics to get ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Or more customers. Whatever. Evil tactic #1: Ask for the order The Dr. Evil mind-control labs have determined that you can materially boost the response to anything just by issuing a clear, well-defined call to action . This radically increases response to your offers, and yet does not require you to do any additional work. Clearly an evil scheme. Want more blog subscribers? Tell them to enter their email for free updates . Want them to click? Tell them to Click Here . Want more customers? Tell them to Add the Product to their Frickin’ Cart Already. I wish I could make it more complicated for you, but it turns out the simpler and more straightforward you make your call to action, the better it works. Evil tactic #2: Offer an unfair guarantee When you offer a freakishly strong guarantee , you take the risk on yourself rather than putting it onto your customer. This is effects deep-seated neurological change that is tantamount to mind control. Combine this with the call to action and you have all but eliminated free will. The customer becomes your enthralled minion. You evil genius, you. Evil tactic #3: Give them a reason to act today Let’s face it, most prospects are spineless weaklings lacking the strength of purpose to commit true evil. Also, they procrastinate. Give them enough time, and they’ll wiggle out of the sale faster than Austin Powers escaping an unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism. In order to keep them from escaping your clutches, give prospects a compelling reason to buy today. The usual way to get this done is to limit your offer , either by restricting the number you’ll sell or by giving them a deadline to buy. One warning: don’t lie or give fake information about your limited offers. If you tell them you only have 100 limited-edition poseable Frau Farbissina action dolls, you can’t give out 101. While it’s true that fake scarcity is evil, it is also lame. Which we try to avoid. Evil tactic #4: Have higher standards No, I’m not talking about being a perfectionist. You’ll never rule the world by being a perfectionist. The pursuit of true evil, however, does require high standards. Standards are well-defined. You get to decide just what, specifically, you’ll have high standards about . It might be the quality of your product. It might be your business ethics. It might be the brilliantly fiendish complexity of your evil schemes. Standards are also measurable, and there are consequences for failing to meet them. “We’ll get right back to you” isn’t a standard, it’s an ideal. “We’ll respond to your email within one business day or we’ll detonate an explosive that destroys our secret volcano lair” is a standard. Evil tactic #5: Use secret language to enthrall them to your will It’s a secret known only to a handful of supervillains, several thousand direct response copywriters, and 117,690 subscribers to this blog. There exist two secret trigger words that can turn prospects into enslaved robotic mutants who live only to do your bidding. Read about them here, if you dare. Evil tactic #6: Use the power of numbers We could tell you all the underlying psychological reasons that the numbered list post is more effective than a tank full of sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads. We could tell you, but then we’d have to kill you. Yes, everyone’s already using numbers in their headlines. Yes, you’re sick of them. Suck it up. Do you want to wear the daddy pants or don’t you? Evil tactic #7: Deploy the unfair offer Here’s the one that separates an internationally known criminal genius from a Mini-Me. This is the one that will make your competition cry like schoolchildren with low self-esteem. It’s deadlier than a “laser” on the moon, and freakier than Goldmember. If you make an offer for something your market really, really wants , it takes almost no persuasion to get your prospects to take it. No, I know, it’s almost too diabolical to use. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. For the most up-to-date evil advice you’ll find on marketing your business online, subscribe to the free Copyblogger newsletter, Internet Marketing for Frickin’ Smart People . About the Author: It is a little-known fact that Sonia Simone is the embodiment of pure evil. Thus, it is only natural that she is Senior Editor of Copyblogger .

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Dr. Evil’s 7 Tips for Achieving Worldwide Marketing Domination

Perry Belcher

Perry Belcher, a social media expert, is known for his smart strategies, techniques and bold initiatives in his online marketing business. Perry claimed to have mastered multiple online marketing methods such as copywriting, search engine optimization, market testing and website design. Although holding these key expertises, he also knows the ins and outs of graphic

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Perry Belcher

Johnny’s Copyblogger Wrap-Up: Week of May 24, 2010

I decided this week that social media has jumped the shark. It happened when I tweeted from the dentist’s chair to announce I was in the dentist’s chair. I thought, “This is something the world needs to know about.” Strangely, the world was apathetic, and no conversations ensued. The system failed. My tweet did not bring me closer to people who were also in dentist’s chairs, or people who enjoy dentistry, or people who remember Bill Cosby’s “loose lips” bit about trying to talk with a mouth full of novocaine. Online marketing’s demise can’t be far behind, which kind of renders this week’s Wrap-up pointless. Why should any of us read or write about copy or business when the New World Paradigm doesn’t work for oral hygiene? But on the off chance that someone feels there’s a difference between teeth and business, here’s what happened this week on Copyblogger: Monday: How to Overcome Your Three Greatest Blogging Challenges This is the post wherein Sonia Simone teaches us how to climb Mt. Everest and relates it to blogging. Specifically, she claims both take more than gumption and flowery thoughts. Both benefit from specific instruction, and it’s inadvisable to just kind of start walking and hope for the best. Pshaw. Next she’ll be saying that prep for competing in the Ironman Triathlon is more than “keepin’ on keepin’ on” and “good-old-fashioned sticktoitiveness.” Honestly, when you think about it, Sonia’s real message isn’t really that you shouldn’t wing it. It’s that that there are three main areas where you could get stuck… and then how to get past those stuck places. So basically: Wing it, but don’t get stuck. So it’s totally okay to go ahead and climb Everest without preparation, but have this post printed out in case you get stuck. You know, if you can still hold it after losing fingers to frostbite. Read the full post here . Tuesday: Get a Great Deal When You Join Third Tribe Before June 1, 2010 Looks like the price of membership in the Third Tribe will be going up on June 1st. That means that if you want to join but don’t do so until after June 1st, you’re either not thinking clearly or have a strange concept of economics. What’s interesting about this post is that Brian has given everyone the suggestion to totally rip off the Third Tribe. When you join, you’ll get instant access to everything that’s up there now for one payment of $47, and then you could split and cancel your membership if you wanted. It’s almost like that “Gone until Monday – Alarm code is 3449″ sign that Brian puts in his yard every time he goes on a weekend trip. So you should check it out. Be sure to bring your burglars’ tools and canvas bags with giant dollar signs on them. Read the full post here . Wednesday: How to Monetize Your Site Without Causing an Audience Revolt You know that phenomenon where someone is blogging about spleens and kidneys, and then is like, “Dude, I have black market organs for sale” and then his readership turns on him, telling him that they didn’t come here to have to pay for spleens, and that were just there for the spleen chat and free samples? I hate that. I ran into this with my first three spleen blogs. You try to make a buck by selling something on your blog — and if you do it in the wrong way, your audience turns on you like a bunch of rioting free-organ hippies. David Risley has the answer. He’s got some very specific tips for how you can walk that line where you draw people in with content, operate in a friendly, Third Tribe mindest, but still are able to sell things without being called a sellout. Alternatively, you could do what I did. Naomi Dunford, who kind of acted as my mentor, recently told me, “You started as a sellout.” Ah, memories. Read the full post here . Thursday: Landing Page Makeover Clinic #26: iGrowKids.com.au The latest installment of Roberta Rosenberg’s Landing Page Makeover series addresses iGrowKids.com.au, which I will note is NOT some sort of Matrix-style farm where humans are grown. The site suffers from the age-old marketing problem: great idea (easy-on clothes for babies; if you aren’t a parent, you won’t know how BADLY this stuff is needed) but slow sales. So in typical fashion, the Maven does her thing to explain how the site could convert better. I’d only add that perhaps adding hilarious baby do’s and don’ts might help with sales. Read the full post here . Thursday Part 2: Who is the Copyblogger Internet Marketing Newsletter for? You should check out the free Copyblogger newsletter, Internet Marketing for Smart People. I mean, if you don’t, you’ve essentially said that you’re dumb. Who would do that? Why are you beating yourself up that way? I joined because Sonia badgered me until I did, but I’m glad I signed up because I keep getting these cool nuggets in my inbox. Not chicken nuggets, though. Informational nuggets. If you think your inbox is a mess now, try letting a few chicken nuggets in there. Check it out and get your free stuff here . Friday: Is F.E.A.R. Holding You Back? To close the week, Brian wrote up a really important post about what F.E.A.R. is and how it’s different from fear . (Fear is instructional and usually good whereas F.E.A.R. is annoying and stupid — exactly like “learning your ABCs” and the 90s hip-hop kid band “ABC.”) Basically, pay attention to this one if you’re not down with being immobilized and stuck in everything you do. You might also want to read it if you don’t enjoy being freaked out for no reason. If none of that applies, then stop reading and head over to Engrish.com because there’s clearly something wrong with you. ( NOTE : Go to Engrish.com anyway.) Read the full post here . Friday Part 2: 7 Quick-Start Techniques for Fighting the Fear to Write Hey gang, Brian here. Apparently Johnny turned in his homework early and left town before realizing we published two posts on Friday. Who knew there was a weekend swap meet dedicated entirely to black market organs? Anyway, following up on my F.E.A.R post, Catherine Caine gives you 7 specific strategies when writing is giving you the willies. So, you should, like, read it right away. How’s that for a Johnny imitation? Oh, and by the way . . . if you’d like to see your name in the headline of these Copyblogger weekly wrap-ups, we’re now accepting applications. Just kidding, Johnny! (No really, send ‘em in. This guy’s an unbelievable prima donna. What’s worse, he thinks that term relates to the time period before Lucky Star became a top-five hit). Read the full post here . About the Author: Johnny B. Truant has a dumb blog at JohnnyBTruant.com and is one of the guys behind Question the Rules . You should also really check out his Jam Sessions with Charlie Gilkey, because they’re filled with tasty informational nuggets that will make your business better.

2ad6771f80Johnny.jpg 150x150 Johnny’s Copyblogger Wrap Up: Week of May 24, 2010

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Who is the Copyblogger Internet Marketing Newsletter for?

It’s only for people who want: A systematic, simple way to get a good grasp of the power of effective online marketing. Easy-to-navigate tutorials on the “Copyblogger method” of creating a profitable online business or marketing your offline business online. An organized reference guide to the “best of the best” that’s appeared on Copyblogger over the years. Internet Marketing for Smart People is a free 20-part course and ongoing newsletter that’s delivered via email. Each week you’ll get a new lesson on one of the four essential pillars of effective Internet marketing. You don’t have to be a genius to master Internet marketing. You just have to be smart enough to take us up on this free offer. Sign up here .

639137cca8imfsp.jpg 150x112 Who is the Copyblogger Internet Marketing Newsletter for?

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Who is the Copyblogger Internet Marketing Newsletter for?

The Difference Between Salad and Garbage

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? ~Woody Allen You’ve got to feel for insurance salesmen. They actually rank below used-car salesmen and bloggers on the list of people no one wants to hang out with. With only a slight edge over politicians . . . maybe. Pushy pitches, cheesy glad-handing, clumsy attempts to build rapport. And all those lame rehearsed messages to move the sale forward. The worst, right? Unless, of course, you actually need a little help getting an insurance policy. Then all of a sudden, you don’t see this person as an insurance salesman any more. You think of him as a “broker,” and you’re all ears about how to navigate the horrifying mass of paperwork you stumbled into when you tried to figure insurance out on your own. In the bad old days, conventional sales wisdom held that it was a game of numbers. If you could just make yourself cold call enough people or knock on enough doors, eventually you would find someone who was actually in the market for your product. Of course, everyone who didn’t need the product hated you. Which is why a lot of sales training focused heavily on ways to pump yourself up and feel less crappy. But a handful of smart salespeople figured out that they could do this weird thing called “direct marketing,” where they could identify and reach out to people who actually wanted what they had to offer . Then they sent those people highly relevant information that was likely to convert them from strangers to buyers. All of a sudden these smart salespeople weren’t a lower life form any more. They solved problems. They helped people make wise buying decisions. They were experts who provided a valued service. Much more fun. Much more lucrative. The difference between salad and garbage The difference between salad and garbage is timing. ~ Dan Kennedy When our poor friend the insurance salesman makes a pitch to someone who’s not in the market for insurance, it’s garbage. Unwanted, unwelcome, smelly garbage. When he’s smart enough to only give people information they find truly useful and relevant, it’s salad. So how can we create more salad and less garbage? Specialize Instead of being a hapless insurance salesman, become the expert on insurance for coffee shops. Or NASCAR drivers. Or lion tamers. Niche your topic of expertise down, then niche it again. Understand precisely who you can best serve (and just as important, who you actually like working with). Study your field so you can serve those people incredibly well. What’s so great about becoming a specialist? Experts are attractive. Customers come looking for them, instead of making them go out and hunt down customers. A topic like insurance is almost infinitely complex. It’s very hard to become an expert on insurance. It’s much easier to become an expert on insurance for one particular kind of customer. You can learn that customer’s language , understand their problems, and get insanely good at resolving the issues they’re most likely to face. (And once you have that list of loyal lion tamers, because you know them so well, you can offer them additional relevant products and services. Costco-sized boxes of Band-Aids, perhaps.) Create killer content Once you truly understand the customer you want to create a relationship with, start creating tons of valuable free content for that person. Start a blog (or adapt the blog you have to better and more precisely serve that perfect customer). Create an email newsletter and front-load it with a terrific autoresponder . Record a regular podcast. Get a Flip camera and create some quick, hyper-useful FAQ answers to release on YouTube. Make it valuable. Don’t try to slip in some kind of cheesy elevator speech — that’s garbage unless you happen to hit the person at the perfect time. But do let people know how to find you when they need to know more. The more inherently valuable your content is, the less “garbage” factor you’ll create. When you do make an offer, it will be taken for a valued opportunity, instead of a stinky pitch made by an annoying salesperson. Improve your odds The salad-to-garbage process always goes one way. Start as salad, end up as garbage. But offers for products and services are different. This week’s stinky garbage could be next week’s fresh and tasty salad. So put yourself in front of prospects often enough that when they want what you’ve got, they know exactly where to find you. Assume your content will get passed around (because you will make it great , right?), and regularly let new people know how they can make a better connection with you. (That’s why we make a point of mentioning our Internet Marketing for Smart People newsletter several times a week.) Make it your mission to create plenty of salad and as little garbage as possible. Because the less you look like a salesman, the more you’ll sell. And always remember some additional immortal words from Woody Allen: Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. About the Author : Sonia Simone is Senior Editor of Copyblogger and the founder of Remarkable Communication . She also co-founded Inside the Third Tribe .

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The Difference Between Salad and Garbage